BDSM & FLR: the 8 main Psychological Benefits

When I started to be involved in this practice, I was fascinated by the positive psychological effects that BDSM and FLR (Female Led Relationship) had on me. For you, it is hard to believe and it sounds too good to be true, am I correct? Then you just need to try it yourself and see what happens!

Here, I would like to share my knowledge, experience, and thoughts with you.

For me the psychological impacts and effects of BDSM and FLR were substantial. After a full life of “vanilla” relationships, I finally understood that my real nature was completely different from what it had been till then. In one of my other posts, you can find my full story about how it started for me.

My role wasn’t “submissive” as I was convinced to be, and as all my previous partners made me think to be. I was feeling much better and more comfortable on the other side, therefore I could start to think that my role was “dominant” or “mistress” or “femdom”. I loved the idea to be in control and to be the one with the power within the couple.

I just would like to mention that this has nothing to do with the release of “50 Shades of Grey”, as in my case the switch was authentic, not fiction. You can read the BDSM community reaction after this trilogy has been released.

My new mindset

This new mindset helped me to increase my inner energy and my mind became deeply creative when talking about sex, led relationship (FLR), couple.

I became emotionally stronger than before and more determined in everything I decided to undertake. I was curious to understand this practice as much as possible, and I wanted to be in a femdom relationship in my daily life. This lifestyle called “24/7 FLR” was fascinating for myself, as this was exactly what I wanted.

I felt I could be totally free and express myself without fear of judgment: no barriers, no censure, no worries, no nothing.

My attitude within the couple totally changed, it became more dominant, day after day. I tried to take more decisions, responsibilities, initiative and be less compliant. In the meantime, I turned to be more introspective and started to deeply explore myself, my feelings, my thoughts: was this desire to sexually dominate someone right or wrong? What would my partner think of me, and would he accept a FLR lifestyle? How can I explain to him my domination desires and involve him in this wonderful trip with me, his mistress?

The best way I found to answer my questions, was to read BDSM blogs, forums, articles; other people’s experiences helped me to better understand that there was nothing wrong with me! To be dominant or have an FLR is not bad, and BDSM is not violent. On the contrary, I discovered that it is actually a practice that brings many positive outcomes (later I will explain it a bit more into detail)!

The approach

After a lot of reading, I was secure and ready to take care of another person: my partner.

I prepared a long talk, very deep, explicit and involving. That evening I was so anxious and afraid to lose him. But it ended up being very arousing and we were both super excited about the idea. We discussed our fears, our desires and we agreed that it was worth it. Our FLR, female led relationship, started then.

Again, I would like to underline that you don’t have to be scared about what you feel, and don’t be afraid to express your feelings to whom you love. Clear and transparent communication is basic if you want to practice BDSM. If your partner is not willing to be part of it, then respect his choice. We are all different.

I loved FLR and I understood that this was also very important for my personal growth: it really helped me to increase my self-esteem and I felt more and more self-confident. I also read a blog saying that BDSM can slightly improve signs of depression.

Even from a sexual perspective, I noticed I was more aroused and looking forward to the next BDSM session. I wanted to be the leader: the one who holds the reins, who dominates, I felt more sensual and desiring to be worshiped by my partner. I loved to hold a whip in my hands and see his excited eyes looking at me. This mix of love and pain, anxiety and relief is fascinating and involving. I would never stop feeling that way!

The benefits of BDSM and FLR

I’m not going to pretend to know and to teach you all about the psychological details behind BDSM and FLR, but I will try to tell you the basics according to my experience and what I read about this topic.

Often wrongly considered by “vanilla” people as a cruel sexual practice, BDSM, in fact, is quite healthy “lifestyle” and interaction between 2 individuals. A bit more in details, you can consider it as:

  • a mindset, a community: you can be anything you would like it to be without social boundaries or judgments. You are free to be yourself!
  • more sensual and mental instead of painful. Sometimes it is all about psychological interaction (verbal humiliation, dominance, supremacy, etc.) and does not involve physical contact.
  • about care, love, responsibility, intelligence, wisdom and not about abuse or weakness. Both partners fully respect each other, maintaining their roles.
  • a safe and consensual power exchange within the couple, based on trust.
  • a magic mix of dopamine and serotonin which bring you a positive feeling of tranquility, happiness, self-confidence, fulfilled desires, etc.

Despite what Freud would diagnose (e.g.: every person involved in BDSM needs a psychological treatment), it is well-known that BDSM practitioners feel well and are more open to new, extroverted, and sometimes extreme sexual experiences. FLR is part of it, a 24/7 lifestyle where the female leads the relationship.

There are 3 main, “traditional” and self-explanatory roles in this practice for both man and woman: dominant, submissive and switch.

  • dominant (or top, d-type) – gives control
  • submissive (or bottom, s-type) – accepts control
  • switch (or top & bottom) – gives or accepts control

Each role (with all its variations e.g.: mistress, domme, dom, daddy, etc), according to your preference and nature, will bring you a feeling of happiness in addition to mental health benefits.

The psychology of BDSM and FLR

Psychologically speaking, the main benefits I could enjoy with BDSM and FLR are:

  • I explore myself both sexually and personally as I can finally be whoever I want in my relationship.
  • stress and anxiety are not part of my life as BDSM activity involve me totally, during the sessions I can’t think of anything else but what
  • I am doing.
  • I can be different from who I am in my everyday life: alpha people can become submissive, and vice versa. They will consequently feel mentally positive, satisfied, peaceful and with a sense of achievement.
  • I can turn pain into harassment as my brain releases endorphins and the whole act will take a highly pleasant and erotic shade.
  • I, as a dominant, experience power exchange by interacting with my submissive who completely surrender to me. I feel supreme and worshiped: a real femdom.
  • I and my partner can have an intense, deep and free communication about our desires: this helps the couple to grow within BDSM practices.
  • In FLR, as a dominant, I will take control, take care of the submissive and be responsible for the whole game’s safety. Don’t forget that your sub is totally under your dominance, you need determination but be careful!
  • I and my partner will increase the intimacy and fidelity as this practice involves a high level of trust during an altered state of consciousness. Out intimate relationship definitely improved.

The role of pain

Last but not least, you need to know that the popular interpretation that maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain makes you happier is not completely true… here I put a good word for BDSM.

There are studies that show it. You can also test it on yourself: after you feel pain, it enhances your pleasure 10 times more and you connect with the world. Pain keeps you attentive and awake. We all need the pain to provide a positive conflict with pleasure. Without these contrasts, life can be boring and predictable. This happens with BDSM, too. For more information, you can refer to this article about BDSM Neurobiology.

To better clarify this concept, I will refer to the “sport” as an example. When I go to the gym and I do the extra mile, I feel 10 times more satisfied and euphoric than when I comfortably train without much effort. It is hard to push your limits, but the result is worth it!

Studies found out that pain increases happiness and pleasure, and it decreases sadness and anxiety. This is applicable also to BDSM.

If you and your partner/sub understand pain, the experience has a positive result and is beneficial to you, him and the relationship. Of course, pain is not purely physical but can also be psychological.

Conclusion

Of course, every individual has its own perception and idea about BDSM activities. It is a huge world, therefore there isn’t a universal definition of this practice’s benefits or limits. They are tailor-made for yourself.

You will certainly find thousands of other BDSM outcomes that make you feel good!

It is challenging, amazing and arousing to undertake a serious 24/7 FLR lifestyle. You must read and experiment a lot.

I underline it again: one of the most important things is to communicate and to respect each other.

Exploring the Phenomenon of Strong Female Submissives

If I had a nickel for every submissive who hit on me, I could open my own dungeon. The real bummer about the whole thing is that I’m submissive myself. Oh sure, I top now and then, but when it comes down to it, my BDSM orientation is submissive. So, you ask, why are submissives glomming onto me like those alien pancakes glommed onto the officers of the Star Trek enterprise? That answer is easy – it’s my dominant personae. It starts with being a plus-sized woman, one who wears sexy and dramatic clothing. It continues with my articulate mind, my direct way of speaking, and my forwardness in asking for what I want.

Yet that person, that public person, is not my sexual orientation. I say orientation in the sense that I’ve committed myself to the lifestyle and no longer date ‘nilla guys. When it comes to the bedroom, I love to serve. I love to be taken. I love to suffer. I love it all.

So why’s it so hard to believe?

We’ve all seen media images of the powerful male executive who sees a mistress on the side. We understand that men like this need some time to let go, to not be in charge. Yet we never see media images of the powerful female executive slipping out for a quick bondage session, although the housewife donning a PVC catsuit to whip up a few afternoon callers is common enough. These are roles we’re all familiar with – the successful male executive and the housewife. These are roles that don’t make any waves in our patriarchal culture, at least in public where it counts. You’d think that in a culture that teaches women to give up their own needs for others, the obvious rebellion would be to go Domme, but the obvious is not always the reality.

The dynamics of who we are in the bedroom (broadly speaking) versus who we are as people are circuitous. Just as the mind and soul and body are all intertwined, so is our sexual orientation intertwined with who we are a whole person. Yet it does not automatically follow that they should present the same. If that were so then we would all be exactly as we appear. We would no longer have our humanity of equal parts art and soul. Why should a person submissive in the bedroom also be assumed to also submit in life? There’s no obvious rational to that statement, yet it’s so commonly asked of me I have to believe that people cannot understand the difference between sexual orientation and personhood. The corollary is that dominants, usually men, often assume that I will submit to them simply because they are a master, even though they are not MY master. Is this arrogance or just inexperience? Is it simpleminded and simpleheaded, or simply ignorant?

On the broader level for both men and women, there is often a confusion between submission and passivity. Being submissive doesn’t mean you let people take advantage of you. In fact, having a strong self means that you have more to give a dominant. If you are nothing, if you are a doormat, there’s no challenge or excitement in dominating you. Being a doormat is not an act of submission but rather state of helplessness which invites abuse.

I am a submissive, which is a proactive choice of seeking to please my partner. He, in an equally proactive way, gives me the control and care I need. It’s an equal exchange, so unlike the vanilla world where women are often taken for granted. One if the wonderful differences in the D/s community is that the submissive (female or male) may well bring home the bacon as well as fry it up in a pan, but because the exchange is a negotiated agreement, her contributions are fully appreciated and taken into consideration. This is not the assumption of the traditional family dynamic where women are often working full-time and have to come home to care for the home and children on top of that, with little help from their partners.

Generally speaking, both female and male dominants carry the trait of dominance in their sexual orientation as well as in their lives. And while the image of the successful male executive who is submissive may be a popular stereotype, I don’t actually know any men like this. In fact, my experience with submissive men is that they tend to also be submissive in a broader sense.

The interesting dynamic arises with submissive women. About half of us are like me – powerful energetic women who love to submit. The other half (or so) are submissive in all areas of their lives, quite often even passive.

What does this gender difference mean? I’m guessing that the traditions of women’s roles in our culture particularly affect those of us who are submissive sexually. Many of us struggle with wanting to express our submissive sides without losing the independence our foremothers fought for. We recognize that feminism is threatened by women who claim their submissive sexual nature. Of course, we don’t want to lose what feminism has given us – freedom to vote, to work, to make our own choices. But real feminism is about freedom to choose – which includes choosing our orientation. It is only through educating our submissive sisters and our vanilla brethren that we will help everyone understand that being submissive does not necessarily diminish our strength as women, individually or collectively. It is only when we become passive that we are truly diminished.

On the most superficial level, I too am that executive woman. I make decisions all day; I don’t want to make them in the bedroom. But it’s far more than that. One of the downsides of being a strong woman is that people figure you don’t need attention or nurturing, but they could not be more wrong. In fact, because we receive less, we actually need it more than most. Being submissive allows me to accept the nurturing that I need, that everyone needs.

Part of that nurturing is being the center of attention. This person, this dominant has spent time, money, and energy planning a scene designed just for me. It is so focused on me that he may not even orgasm, and is entirely understanding when I do the classic obnoxious lover’s move of rolling over and falling asleep after the scene. On the surface, the classic scene is enacted by the dominant, but at the foundation, it’s about taking the submissive into a different headspace. And, hackneyed as the phrase has become, it also comes down to the submissive being ultimately in control. I give up my power within a certain sphere of influence, but even then, even at the very last minute, I can make it all stop anytime by simply speaking my safeword.

On a deeper level, serving is a spiritual act. Although I’m not a Christian, I like the story about how Jesus washed his follower’s feet. In serving another, I put myself aside. My demanding, selfish, childish self. The self that wants what I want when I want it. But for those few minutes of serving, I am lifted above my mundane wants. When I am free to fully express that side of myself, my submissive side, then I become even more of the strong woman that I am outside the bedroom, the strong woman who revels both in her strength and in her submission.

What Does Female Led Relationship (FLR) Mean And How Does It Work?

As the name suggests, a female-led relationship or FLR is a relationship where a woman takes the lead and serves as the dominant partner, while a man serves as the submissive one. She makes all the important decisions, has more authority than the man, and metaphorically (and often literally) wears the pants.

Unlike the old trend of a male being the authority figure or the current trend of equality between a male and a female in a relationship, a female is the authority figure in an FLR. Such a relationship might serve as the basis for a female-led marriage as well.

In this post, we tells you about the various types of female-led relationships, their characteristics, and the positives and negatives.

Types Of Female-Led Relationships

FLRs can be categorized based on four different levels of intensity.

1. Low-level female control

In this type of FLR, the woman has low authority, and all the decisions are taken mutually by the man and the woman. The man allows his partner to take the lead in specific scenarios and, sometimes, she needs the permission of the man to make a decision.

2. Moderate-level female control

At this FLR level, the female can enjoy being a leader for a while and has a sense of ruling the man. It helps boost her confidence and morale and makes the relationship more positive. The man also often enjoys the dominant attitude of the woman. At this level, the woman usually takes the day-to-day decisions, but she also sets boundaries regarding how far she is willing to go.

3. Defined control

In this type of female-led relationship, the woman makes most decisions and takes on the male roles too. The areas where she can be dominant are defined to ensure there is a demarcation.

4. Extreme control

Here there is extreme control by the woman and servitude by the man. This relationship is for women who like to have the ultimate power in the relationship.

Rules Of A Female-Led Relationship

Several rules help define a female-led relationship. Some of them are mentioned here.

  • The female makes most of the household decisions. The man shares his opinion before a decision is made, and the woman may value it.
  • The woman can help motivate the man to work on getting rid of any bad habits like excessive smoking or dependence on alcohol by being authoritative.
  • Although the man and woman distribute household tasks, the man agrees to do chores like cooking, cleaning, etc.
  • The woman takes most financial decisions, and the man trusts his wife to take care of things.
  • The woman also takes decisions regarding social events and social gatherings.

Why do women want to take the lead and additional responsibilities? Why would men agree to be subservient to their women? It is because there are some benefits in an FLR.

Why Women Seek A Female-Led Relationship?

  • Some women like a female-led relationship because they get to control things, from finances to kitchen management.
  • Women also get the opportunity to mold a man to whoever she wants him to be. Imagine creating your ideal man and ensuring that he meets your expectations.
  • There is a lack of power struggle in such relationships, so there is more peace and minimal stress or tension.
  • A man who willingly agrees to a female-led relationship won’t mind being dominated. He might even love his woman better, as she is the one taking care of everything he would otherwise worry about.

Why Men Seek A Female-Led Relationship?

You might be wondering why any man, who is used to controlling a relationship or who is expected to do so for years, would give up control to a woman. Here are a few reasons why men would do it willingly and happily.

  • When a woman is in control of a relationship, he doesn’t have to make any tough decisions or worry about the consequences or the responsibility.
  • A man can enjoy a more peaceful ambiance at home as there is no power struggle between him and his woman.
  • Some men, whose every life decision has been taken by another female authority figure, such as his mom, prefer to let a woman take charge so that they can focus on other things, such as their career.

Drawbacks Of A Female-led Relationship

There is a flipside, too, of this kind of relationship. Some of the concerns are:

  • Social stigma and traditional views of society can negatively impact an FLR relationship/marriage.
  • A man who is being dominated might be too scared to oppose even if the relationship no longer satisfies him.
  • The female might make suboptimal decisions in the absence of discussion with her partner, just like in a man-led relationship.

No matter whether you are in a female-led relationship, a male-led one, or an equal one, every relationship type has its own set of challenges. So, maintaining balance is always crucial. No two people can be happy in a relationship if only one person makes all the decisions, and the other has no say in it.

So, FLR type 4 is not an option for many people as it is considered too extreme. On the other hand, type 1 is considered too mild . So, most couples aim for type 2 or type 3 to ensure that their relationship stays stable. The woman is the boss.

How To Create The Balance?

Women who are in a female-led relationship can do a lot to maintain the much-needed balance. The easiest thing that can be done is to encourage your man to take more initiative and contribute to the relationship as much as he can. Another golden rule the woman must remember is to always respect the partner. Mutual respect is necessary to sustain any relationship.

If you are in a female-led relationship, and feel that the balance is off or there is something wrong in the way you communicate, talk it out with your partner. Another option could be to get professional help to reestablish a better balance. If these things fail you could take a break for a while and then start fresh.

How to Become a Successful Corporate Woman?

It is tough, but not impossible, for women to present a powerful image. It isn’t an intentional act of sexism, but its cultural tradition that pops up from time to time to rear its discriminatory head. There are times in life when women want, and need, to be taken seriously. The sense of seriousness and power that women expect to get can be achieved through a combination of body language and dress.

Being a strong woman in business doesn’t mean you have to be harsh or cold, as another stereotype would insinuate. You have to portray yourself in such a way that you are strong and capable which will pave the way for men with an outdated viewpoint to understand that sexism in both intentional and unintentional forms won’t be tolerated. Some of the points to keep in mind as a corporate woman are:

IT IS ABOUT WHAT YOU SAY AND HOW YOU SAY IT

When you contribute something in the workplace, it is you who have to present it, as the work will not speak by itself. A soft or uneasy voice in the delivery of a business idea or work will not be taken seriously. A firm and authoritative style of communication when presenting can do this. Men use fewer words than women and less emotional ones, so by communicating and being strong in thoughts can gain the respect you wish for.

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

Sometimes lack of confidence is clearly reflected in the body language. Sketch down the strengths and weakness and work on them trying to be dynamic. Now actively work to be more confident. Always believe in yourself, believe that you deserve your promotion and high position. Watch your body language and change the attitude about yourself.

Things to be avoided at workplace by women:

Gossiping: Avoid spreading rumours and gossips. Doing so is a waste of energy and note that the only person who looks bad is you, not the colleague or your boss. Focus your energy on the productivity of work and not in gossips and don’t let the negativity impact you.

Maintain Work-Life Balance: Never let personal life interfere with your professional life. Work time is for work. Use some other desk and time to have personal discussions. Don’t get into a relationship with a colleague and never with a boss. It will negatively affect the way people around you perceive you.

Breaking the dress code: “Eat for yourselves and dress for others” is a very common saying. Women who wish to appear powerful often have to do so by dressing more authoritatively. It doesn’t take designer clothes, suits, heels or hair to show that you’re in charge. Your body’s posture will tell it all. Remember that breaking the dress code always creates a negative impression and hampers your dignity.

Hence, if women can make up a strong mind with the desired qualities they can gain the respect they wish from their colleagues.

Convince Your Partner To Use Cock Cage Before It’s Too Late

In recent years, the chastity cage has invaded the pages of blogs devoted to alternative sexuality and online sex shop shelves. But do we really know what it’s all about? How to introduce cock cage to your wife? Here is the guide for you.

The chastity cage, a cage for your sex: Chastity cage for men

The cage chastity, in case you have never seen, is like a small tube, curved shape, metal, and a length of ten centimeters. There is an opening to insert the penis and another for the end of the urethra channel, chastity prevents morning erection, not urination. A ring, whose diameter must be chosen, generally 45 mm, surrounds the testicles to maintain the whole. The shapes are very varied, design requires, but we note that most models hold purses with this ring but other cages are attached to a belt, still others insert into the urethra channel a small plug.

But if there is one point common to all the models, it is the principle of the key, that of the lock which closes the cage. An unlocked cage would not really be a cage, hence this closing with a key that prevents removal, prevents erection and allows the partner to check the strength of the engagement.

A cage for what games

The wearing of the chastity cage is not done by simple coquetry. On the contrary, it is an instrument whose use is part of a game of domination / submission. Wearing the cage prevents solitary pleasures and even eliminates the idea of ??erection. It is therefore the partner who has control over sexuality. No need for distance to find pleasure in the chastity, the pleasure is that of the delivery by an authorized orgasm by removing this cage. The people practicing the chastity cage and auguries see this instrument in the long term; the port can be done over several weeks, and according to very worked scenarios.

The case of all men

If the chastity cage is a game that falls within the theme of the SM, can everyone participate in it? It is often thought that these practices are reserved for an informed public. In truth, everyone can participate and the size of the machine of these gentlemen is in no way a contra-indication. Take your time to get used to this apparatus a little specific is an obligation, then, to each his scenarios. The vast majority of models allow you to adjust the size of the ring that holds the set. Big q or small b, everything goes into the penis area.

An initiation to submission – How to train a man?

Wearing a chastity cage is not trivial. Just a boxer a size too small and it’s a messy day, so yes, the cage is a rather special sextoys since it induces games of submission. It is in this sense an opening on the SM world.

A loyalty game

The softest step in wearing a cock cage, i.e. in wearing a chastity cage, is to present the object as a fidelity game. Monsieur goes on a business trip or training a few days away from home, why not offers him to wear this particular paraphernalia. As long as the training does not happen in a whirlpool, it is not a problem. And then we add to that the size of the couple, a touch of frustration with the impossibility of even having an erection and even less a solitary masturbation.

Self control – how to decrease nighttime erections to carry chastity cage?

Further in the games related to the cock ring, we can talk about self-control. If over two or three days we play the card of fidelity, for a little longer, we play the card of control of his body. In practice, the cage prevents complete erection, just a beginning of blood flow. Sex cannot develop because of the metal casing of the cage. An erection attempt therefore induces relative pain in the testicles that will have to be avoided by controlling itself day and night to precisely avoid erections.

Submission to his mistress

Submission and new technologies: The chastity cage is a sextoy appreciated by those who live a dominated / dominant relationship. Therefore, there is usually no question of wearing the cock ring for a short time. We are talking here to experienced people for whom the adventure lasts several weeks, see 2 or 3 months. In this control is sometimes added games around the orgasm ruined, which consists of ejaculating his partner without allowing him to reach orgasm.

Submission and new technologies

The world of sextoys has not escaped the global trend that everything is 2.0, including sex toys, dildos and anything that can afford to have fun. The chastity cage is not yet connected but technological to the image of the esteem model.

If you were not yet convinced on the SM side and bid cage, know that it is connected to a housing that allows its electrification at will by the dominant. From simple shaking to real punishment, the electric sensations applied directly to the glans make the session very special.

The key, the raison d’être of the chastity cage

The models of cages are various and varied, it is enough to consult the pages of a sex shop online to realize it. However, their common point is that famous key which, paradoxically, we do not always know what to do.

The key, first uses:

You have just received your chastity cage, sir wisely waiting to be able to do the fitting. This is indeed an indispensable preliminary before starting to play and develop scenarios.  Wearing such an object is not trivial and you have to get used to position it well, to wear it and to urinate without hurting yourself. The first days, it is therefore necessary to always have with you this famous key padlock, it is not yet question of constraint but adaptation. After these first few days, the key can be kept by the carrier of the cage, but already packaged so as to prohibit access except in case of problems, because any access would be noticed. Regulars will end up entrusting the key of the cage to their dominant without fear, and as much in the proper sense as in the figurative sense.

Plastic cages:

The metal of the cage and the lock have a particular aesthetic that contributes to the pleasure of wearing the cage. The shape of the cock ring, the ring that surrounds the testicles, is also part of the design of the set.

But you will admit that passing a security gantry, in a public place or at the airport, is rather delicate. Of silicone models are therefore available on the market.

Less aesthetic, they are also a little more comfortable for the wearer. There are no more padlocks or keys. The latter is replaced by a lead, a single-use wire that can seal the cock cage. A unique number makes it possible to certify the authentic character of the step, any erection breaking the thread that one could not replace by the same number. Where to get it is not also a problem as there are a lot of sex toy shops selling this type of cock cage. You can find some of the highest quality silicone chastity devices here.

Chastity cage, make your choice: reviews:

Being tempted by the approach of a chastity cage can be a very erotic game between two partners. It is a powerful step from a sexual point of view and perfect to strengthen the bonds of a couple. But before embarking on the adventure, you must start by buying the right product. Here is an overview.

The stainless steel metal cage: why choose it?

The metal cage is the most common in the collective imagination; it is also the first appeared on this market. It consists of the tube for the penis and one or more rings that keep the testicles and therefore all, which is closed by a padlock.

Considering aesthetics, the metal chastity cage is the most striking choice. Note, however, that the cage and metal padlock do not allow to pass a security check under a gantry. As part of a cage to play on fidelity during a business trip, the choice of this material is not welcome. In a daily life, it will do the job.

The BDSM Diaries: BDSM Tools for Gay Men

The physiological processes in relation to male and female orgasms, examines their influence in the process of sexual game called gay male chastity on the mood and behavior of the game participants, as well as on their mutual relationships.

The information presented can be very useful for women and men to understand each other, regardless of whether you are fans of this sexual game or not.

This is a couple who practice a constant sex game in which wife regulates when and how her husband John has ejaculation. On average, this is 3-6 times, or even 12 months (once a year).

This is achieved by wearing chastity belt on an ongoing basis and his penis was locked up in a chastity device. Once again, the couple is vanilla and these restrictions are purely sexual game, not connected with punishment / control / education / submission, for wife prefers to sleep in the same bed with the Man, and not with the submissive rag.

They began this experiment with initiative. At first, wife could not understand for a long time where he had balls in his head for the videos, but later studying the issue and agreeing to the experiment solely out of love for her husband, after 6 months she was shocked by the positive result and this became their permanent lifestyle.

Another important note – wearing a chastity belt does not provide for the absence of sex in this game. On the contrary, sex becomes many times more, the wife gets a lot more orgasms than before, but the husband does not get an orgasm.

Male chastity is pleasure, dedication, and scientific facts at their core

Recently, I studied the scientific facts about sex and especially the science of orgasm. I looked for answers to some questions that I had regarding my reaction to chastity, such as:

  • Why am I always in a good mood during periods of my chastity?
  • Why are my orgasms, when I have those, very intense and last much longer than usual, not at all like I used to feel before?
  • Why do I have such an intense feeling of devotion to my wife, a desire to help her, during periods of my chastity?
  • Why does this intense feeling of devotion leave me instantly after I have an orgasm and only returns a few days, sometimes a week or even more?
  • Why is my wife much more enthusiastic about sex now than before we started practicing the experiment with male chastity?
  • Why is my wife now in a much better mood than before?
  • Why does she show much more desire for sexual experimentation, and in general our relationship has become much warmer and more playful when we are just together and not having sex?

These questions bore my head for some time, but I did not need to think about them and study them more deeply until several things happened.

First, trying to explain to my wife that powerful feeling of devotion to her, I compared it with the post-orgasmic feeling of intimacy that we always experienced after sex lying woven on the bed, telling each other how happy we were that we found each other. That feeling did not last very long, do it? This remark made me wonder why it really does not last long.

Secondly, It was a treasure trove of wisdom, arguments, and excellent advice, which are based on the development of relationships with her husband, and her thoughts on this. In this blog, she described that increasing the period between orgasms for her husband from a month to three or four, and even up to seven months the minimum date for his next orgasm is Christmas, and the latter was in May, with serious consideration of increasing the period between orgasms years or more, and even a discussion of the constant lack of orgasms that is, never.

Be careful what you wish for, this is a super collection of her thoughts, wisdom and advice on whether male chastity is acceptable to you, if so, how to adapt this lifestyle to the maximum and how to make it work for you, as for a pair it is repeatedly stressed that the game is for two, and not a way to subordinate the husband. One thing she discussed in this book is the increase in the periods between orgasms for her husband. Her arguments are logical and even mathematically accurate.

First, she argues that according to their husband’s experience on male chastity so far, there is a clear behavioral pattern, namely, after John’s orgasm, he loses that powerful feeling of devotion to his wife for 7-10 days. Then she considered that once her month orgasm, she loses that powerful feeling of devotion to her, which is generated by male chastity for 120 days a year. She considered that it was a great loss to allow her if she was not obliged to allow her, and she was not obliged.

Men looked quite satisfied with less frequent orgasms until the present part of sexual play T & D (Tease & Denial – sex game when my wife in every possible way tries to excite her husband by any means available including vaginal sex, bring it almost to orgasm, the only limitation – the husband cannot finish without the permission of his wife – even if only Sarah received orgasms in this game.

This description of loss of devotion to his wife after orgasm and his general state of happiness during periods of chastity very closely coincided with my experience and made me wonder what is the best period between orgasms for me. During my own experiment with chastity, the longest period between orgasms was 18 days and I remember that feeling as I literally jumped out of my skin so I was excited by the prospect of sexual discharge.

Do I need to increase, and if so, by how much? Can I learn longer periods of time?

I began to look for my answers trying to understand the change in mood that occurs after an orgasm, especially after a long period of chastity.

From previous experience, I knew that mood was often due to the presence, concentration, or absence of certain neurotransmitters. So I began my search on the Internet with “sex and neurotransmitters” and “orgasm and neurotransmitters”.

I found that the relationship between sex and orgasm and our mood is not a secret, the biochemical mechanism is quite understandable. I also found that these mechanisms provide answers not only to those questions that relate to changes in mood and male chastity, but also answer many other questions about which I did not even think.

At the end of this article I will give a list of some web resources that may be interesting in understanding these mechanisms. Each of these resources, in turn, provides further links for more in-depth investigation. There are a number of neurotransmitters that shape our mood throughout life, but three of them are basic, the key ones that relate to sex and orgasm are dopamine, prolactin and oxytocin. The fourth factor is the concentration of receptors for these neurotransmitters, especially dopamine. Sexual activity and orgasm generate predictable level charts for each of these three mediators, as well as receptors.

Men and women have definitely different diagrams that have been formed over thousands of years and are aimed at the tasks of survival of the species – the successful transfer of their own genes. In particular, mixing the gene pool and taking care of the offspring so that they could live long enough to pass on their genes too.

This article is not about evolution, but suffice it to say that the feelings and behavior generated by these neurotransmitters are related to survival (the gene of continuation of the species and survival) exists in us today because they were the most successful in helping our ancestors to survive and reproduce, help the offspring survive and also produce offspring.

How To Slowly Introduce Sex Toys Like Metal Penis Cage To Your Wife

Your penis can not escape in this metal penis cage from the Sinner Gear collection. The cage is equipped with a hollow dilator, which allows you to urinate normally. In addition, the cage is delivered including a strong lock with 3 keys. Do you dare to relinquish control? Then give the key to your partner or master. He or she will get the power over your penis. How to introduce cock cage to your wife? Let’s find the secrets behind the BDSM role play.

This cock cage with dilator is made entirely of metal. This makes the cage strong, durable and safe to use with any type of lubricant. Also, the cage can be carried under the shower. Make sure that it dries well to prevent discoloration and damage to the metal.

Master Series Repressor cock Cage: Stainless Steel Penis Cage with Dilator

For your particularly rebellious copy you are looking for the right accessory to make him docile? Where would his manhood be better off than in the Repressor Cock Cage made of shimmering stainless steel? Certainly nowhere! The 10 cm long, ergonomically shaped cage has an inner diameter of 3.3 cm and is absolutely immovable. Once you’ve brought the confessed prisoner behind bars, everything should be safe from breakouts. Thanks to the small castle, you will simply close HIS lust and enjoy the sensual power as the only one to own the key. For particularly pleasurable punishments in which your opponent gets more than wet eyes you expand your chastisement with the 12 cm long and hollow dilator made of stainless steel and silicone. The one end you lead pleasurable into his urethra and secure the other with the small screw on top. Hand-tight and quite arousing, this hard-wearing kennel grabs the shank and testicles of your subs and gives you absolute control!

This chastity cage for penises “CB-6000” is the best selling chastity belt in the world. Made entirely of polycarbonate, it is produced by CB-X, the world’s leading male chastity cages supplier. Thanks to the transparent design, you or your partner can always check his prisoner. This chastity cage has an opening on the front to urinate freely.

This sublime chastity cage CB-6000 is made of transparent medical polycarbonate, a material that makes it both lightweight and durable. This reference cage encloses the penis and allows neither erection nor intercourse. To facilitate its use, the end of the cage has a large opening, allowing its wearer to urinate freely.

This chastity cage has five rings of different diameters to suit all types of penises. A padlock made of brass, as well as five numbered locks are also included. The CB-6000 chastity cage comes with a solid storage bag so you can take it anywhere.

This CB-X CB-6000 cage has large openings on the sides for good ventilation and easy maintenance. This chastity belt may be cleaned with a little warm water and soap or a cleanser suitable for sex toys.

A chastity belt is a humiliating tool from the field of BDSM, which masturbates to the wearer, the so-called slave . The chastity belts differed in their condition, the material, the wearing comfort and the robustness. Last but not least, the different chastity models also differ in price. It is therefore worthwhile to compare the different chastity cages. In principle, there are chastity belts for men and for women. The majority of chastity offers, however, is designed for men and locks the penis in a cage.

Assemble Cock Cage Belt

Many chastity belts for men have to be assembled first. The models of plastic and metal differ only in their material used. To assemble the chastity belt, we sourced 4 easy steps from lockthecock.ca:

Put cock ring holder: This is a combination of a U-clamp, which is placed directly around the penis shaft. Above this, the cage is positioned. There are other models, especially stainless steel, where the cock ring is not made up of two parts, but only one. Here it is important that the cock ring fits well. There should be at least a thumb width between the solid cock ring and the penis shaft. Otherwise the risk of a blood blockage is too high.

Position the spacer: Here, the safety pin is pushed through the cage holder and the clamp lock. The cage holder and the locking pin later hold the penis cage, whereby only a lock must be attached to the locking pin.

Growing penis cage: To make masturbation impossible, the chastity belt now has to be fitted with the penis cage. This works only if the penis is not stiff. It’s easiest if you put the penis cage in a cold environment. Then the penis contracts slightly. During an erection you cannot put on the cage. You should not try this by force; otherwise you could easily hurt yourself. Tip: Fill the penis cage with lubricant. Then it is easier to put the penis cage over the penis.

Close the chastity belt: So that you cannot get at the penis even later, it should be closed. For this purpose, a padlock or a disposable lock, which is positioned at the end of the locking pin is suitable. Once the lock is firmly attached, the front penile cage will not slip off the structure. Now, the chastity of the keeper can begin. Masturbating with attached chastity belt is very difficult.

Plastic Chastity Belt


The classic variants of the chastity belt are made of plastic. They are easy to carry and can also be optimally cleaned. In addition, the chastity belt sets usually contain cock rings in different sizes, which is an additional plus. Because of the low weight, plastic chastity belts can be worn for several weeks. If a plastic padlock is used for the chastity belt, you will even pass unnoticed at the airport through the security checkpoint.

Popular plastic chastity belts are the CB 6000 and CB Curved. Both are assembled as described above from individual parts: First, a penile ring is constructed and it follows the creation of the penis cage and lock. Even for beginners plastic penis cages are well suited, For cheap models, you should pay attention to whether there are small sharp edges in the penis cage before donning. Especially with cheap copies from China, it can happen that the places are sharp-edged, where the skin of the penis pushes through the chastity cage slightly outward. There you should help in advance and flatten the edges either with some sandpaper.

Stainless Steel Cock Cage

The cock cage made of stainless steel are usually much higher quality , as the models made of plastic, but not cheap . In comparison to the chastity belt made of plastic that stainless steel are significantly heavier and have more weight. Therefore, you can feel this cock cage while wearing, as he pulls the penis down by his weight alone. The big advantage of the stainless steel chastity belt lies in the hygiene .Because there are no pores like plastic, where bacteria could accumulate. And plastic softeners are not processed here, so you do not have to worry about metallic cock cages.

Why everyone needs to learn what chastity really means

It is frustrating for Catholics who love their faith to realise what a bad public relations job the Church often makes of it. We insiders know that “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free” isn’t just a clever slogan; it actually delivers. Whatever our human crosses, our faith is about the joy and peace that comes from knowing who we are and the supernatural purpose of our lives. Yet outsiders often see the Church negatively, as grim and doctrinaire, prejudiced against human happiness.

Dawn Eden, an American convert with a special apostolate to those who have been victims of sexual abuse within the Church, is doing her best to remedy this situation, particularly in the area of human sexuality (an area where the Church’s teaching is most often distorted). The title of her book, The Thrill of the Chaste, first published in 2007 and reissued this year for a Catholic readership, is both a clever play on the word “chaste” for “chase” and an eloquent plea for greater understanding of what it means to “find fulfilment while keeping your clothes on”. (UK readers can buy the book here.)

In her book Eden is very honest about her past life as a young single woman in the world of rock journalism and how the longing for a fulfilling relationship that would lead to marriage drove her from one doomed affair to the next. The transience of these relationships only made her feel more insecure, more desperate to meet the right man, more prepared for rejection and thus more likely to invite it. She came to see in the Sacrament of Confession that she had lost her innocence long before she lost her virginity.

Pondering the pattern of her adult encounters she realised that it was only “when I began to be honest with myself, recognise how I had allowed childhood wounds to shape my adult identity, did I find healing, strength and a way towards forgiveness”. It was stumbling on Chesterton’s The Man Who Was Thursday that pulled her up short and began this process, especially his paradoxical remark: “The most poetical thing in the world is not being sick.” Instantly Dawn understood how it related to the emotional chaos of her personal life.

Dawn’s spiritual journey into the Church helped her to gradually grasp that the virtue of chastity is the “true liberty”, enabling one to do things, aided by grace, “that we would be unable to accomplish with our own power”. Recognising her vulnerability in a society where casual sexual encounters are seen as normal and everything else is weird and prudish, she saw that temptations to impurity could only be fought with divine assistance.

I asked Dawn why she has now published a “Catholic” edition of her book. She explains: “When I wrote the original edition as a Jewish convert to Evangelical Protestantism who was preparing to make the final leap into the Catholic Church, I thought I had a Catholic mind. But once I entered the Church in 2006 and began to live within the rhythms of Mass and Confession, I realised how limited my understanding of chastity had been. I had the right idea about it as a Protestant but without a sacramental world view I couldn’t adequately explain why chastity is indeed thrilling.” This edition, she feels, has “given me the opportunity to show how Jesus, present for us in the Eucharist, shows us how to be present to one another in love”.

In her book, Dawn describes herself as a “consecrated celibate”. What does this mean? She tells me: “I use this term for myself because ‘celibate’ literally means unmarried, so to simply call myself celibate could make it sound as if I sleep alone only by default. ‘Consecrated celibacy’ makes it sound more like the positive choice it is. Since 2013, I have made an annual promise on my birthday to consecrate my celibacy to Jesus’s Sacred Heart through Mary’s Immaculate Heart.” She adds that she hopes to be officially consecrated one day by a diocesan bishop.

I am curious by the distinction Dawn makes in her book between “single” people and “singular” people, such as herself. Could the Church do more to help “singular” people? She is keen to emphasise that “the Church could do more to help all of us understand what the virtue of chastity is and how to live it. Chastity is not just for the unmarried; we are all called to it according to our state of life. Married chastity includes fidelity and reverence for your spouse as a fellow child of God. Single chastity is not just abstinence because chastity is a virtue and virtues are always positive. In my book I explain that chastity is the virtue that enables us to love more fully in every relationship, according to the type of relationship; so for me, it means learning to love fully as a daughter, as a sister and as a friend.” She adds: “Really it means learning the appropriate way to bring Jesus’s love into all my daily interactions.”

Dawn wants to share her insight in her book that to reduce human sexual activity to genital activity “impoverishes the truth of what it means to have been created as a man or woman. We become the man or woman we were created to be when we love.” She believes that living chastely has made her “more of a woman, because learning to better love my neighbour in Christ has made me more fully human”. She describes her apostolate as “living the mystery of spiritual motherhood in the heart of the Church. I am doing that through completing a doctorate in sacred theology, as well as writing and speaking on healing and conversion.”

And who is her book directed towards? Dawn says unhesitatingly that “it is for adults like me who want to learn how to live the Church’s teachings on sexuality with joy”. My final question concerns our society: how can we best convey to it the attraction of the Church’s teaching? Dawn responds: “Change begins with our own lives. If we rediscover the beauty of the human vocation to love, we will see its effects in the wider culture. We also need to support others who are making sacrifices to follow God’s call in their own lives, not just priests and religious but also single people, including those with same-sex attraction who are striving to live chastely, such as the members of Courage Apostolate.”

The next time our acquaintances challenge our faith in this most sensitive area, we should give them this persuasive book to read.

Tips for Choosing a Sex Doll – Height and Weight

Are you looking forward to getting into the world of sex dolls? That’s awesome as sex dolls are amazing sensual companions yet sans the baggage of a real human woman. The adult toy market is flooded with a wide range of sex dolls and you will find them in various heights and weights just like those famous huge gay dildos. But not all would be equally compatible for you. However, nothing to worry as the post below offers a brief on how to choose a sex doll for your pleasure.

Super-mini dolls

These are the smallest ones that range from 2ft 1.6”- 2 ft 7.5” in height and weight around 5 kgs. As these are ultra-mini in size, these dolls are extremely lightweight and also a breeze to hide. Like small handy vibrators for travel, these are handy and good for travelling too. However, you can only enjoy vaginal sex with these dolls as their other body parts are not properly contoured. The ultra-mini dolls are great when you want a sex toy for masturbation. Besides, these are very economical which makes them great as entry-level sex dolls. Buy this instead of a butt plug for call girls, it will save you a heck of money.

Mini dolls

Mini dolls are small sex dolls only but slightly bigger in height and weight than the one mentioned above. In regards to height, they will come at around 3 ft 3” and weigh something like 12 kg. Moreover, the mini dolls carry more defined body features than ultra-mini options. You can say they look like any real woman- just smaller in height. Thus, you can relish oral and anal sex with them, added to vaginal sex. Thanks to their small size, the mini dolls are a breeze to hide. Because of its size, it’s like a vibrator sex toy capable in space especially for astronauts.

Medium dolls

Medium dolls are heavier compared to the previous one but come with a greater height and more defined body for better pleasure. In regards to height, these dolls mostly range from 4ft 1” – 4ft 7”. When it comes to weight, the medium dolls weigh something like 20 kg – 23 kg. So, yes, these are slightly on the heavier side. But these dolls allow users more flexibility regarding choice of body features which you won’t get with smaller dolls. For example, with a medium-sized doll, you can choose whether you want an insertable or inbuilt vagina. Just be careful about the weight while handling the sex doll.

Now, as medium dolls are heavy, these are difficult to hide. A lot of people lay down the doll under the bed while the toy is not used. You can do that too but make sure to lay her on a soft surface. If she is left on a hard surface for a prolonged period, her body shape may change. Besides, you should also be careful to place a clean white sheet under her body. It will reduce the risk of stains on the doll’s beautiful body.

Full-size big dolls

If you are looking for the most authentic experience, the big full-sized dolls are the thing for you. They weigh around 30kgs and range from 5 ft 2”- 5 ft 4” in height. The best part about them is they come with a full pronounced body for the optimum satisfaction of the user. Put simply, when you are craving for the actual feel of a real-life full-grown adult woman in a doll- these dolls are the best pick for you. Though this may not be a real spanking girlfriend with tailed plugs, still, it’s the real deal! And because these dolls are big, you can try trendy ben wa balls on them.

But full-size big dolls are extremely heavy. In fact, you may injure yourself while lifting them if you are not used to carrying weights. Thus, you should only opt for a big sex doll if you are absolutely sure about your physical strength.

Experts usually advise sticking to medium sized dolls as they are easier to handle than big sized dolls and also embody the authentic body features of a real woman.

C. S. Lewis on How to Persevere in Chastity

First, he says we must really want to grow in this virtue. He notes how a famous Christian—when looking back at his life—realized that his prayer for chastity was really saying something like: “Oh Lord, make me chaste. But please don’t do it just yet.” Of course, his reference here is to the great St. Augustine. Indeed, every saint has a past and every sinner a future. It’s good to know about saints who struggled, since that can give us confidence that we, too, can overcome.

Second, Lewis notes that many never set out on this great battle for chastity because they assume from the outset that it’s impossible to attain. This assumption deters us from really giving our all in this fight. We go in half-heartedly, accepting defeat before we even begin. But as Lewis points out—with a great many things—we often surprise ourselves with what we can do when our backs are against the wall: “People quite often do what seemed impossible before they did it. It is wonderful what you can do when you have to.” We recognize the merits of not giving up in so many other areas (e.g., sports or school), but for some reason we assume that the moral and spiritual life should not call forth this same kind of effort. What would happen if we went after safe chastity devices and holiness with the same intensity and vigor as we hit the weight room or the track?

Thirdly, Lewis counsels that we must ask for God’s help. Here Lewis is exceptionally insightful and strikes a chord in the spiritual tradition: we often wish that God would heal our vices and instantly empower us with heroic virtue; but perhaps if he did, we would fall into the even greater sin of pride. “Very often,” Lewis writes, “what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again.” This process teaches us to depend upon God in a radical way—and this is the great secret to sanctity; indeed, this is the meaning of the first beatitude “Blessed are the poor in spirit.” The poor in spirit are humble and recognize their need for grace; in this way, they become soft clay, allowing God to work more fully in their lives.

For this reason, Lewis writes: “We learn, on the one hand, that we cannot trust ourselves even in our best moments, and, on the other, that we need not despair even in our worst, for our failures are forgiven.”

The etymology of the Hebrew word Satan is instructive here: “Satan” means “to accuse.” In temptation, the Devil is our buddy, coaxing us to play along. But when we fall, he becomes the accuser, seeking to douse us in shame and keep us from the throne of God’s mercy. The Devil’s greatest temptation is for us to doubt God’s love for us; indeed, his greatest attack is to get us to believe we are too far gone—that we are beyond the pale of his forgiveness. But God is Love; and perhaps the paradox of the Christian life is that he calls us to greatness—and yet he above all else knows that our path to greatness comes only by first turning to him in our weakness. Indeed, a father loves his kids just the way they are—but too much to leave them that way. The same is true of God: He loves us as we are—but so much so that he wants to see us not only forgiven but healed and transformed. And he is ready and willing in our time of need—not to condemn—but to help. All we need to do is ask.