Why everyone needs to learn what chastity really means

It is frustrating for Catholics who love their faith to realise what a bad public relations job the Church often makes of it. We insiders know that “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free” isn’t just a clever slogan; it actually delivers. Whatever our human crosses, our faith is about the joy and peace that comes from knowing who we are and the supernatural purpose of our lives. Yet outsiders often see the Church negatively, as grim and doctrinaire, prejudiced against human happiness.

Dawn Eden, an American convert with a special apostolate to those who have been victims of sexual abuse within the Church, is doing her best to remedy this situation, particularly in the area of human sexuality (an area where the Church’s teaching is most often distorted). The title of her book, The Thrill of the Chaste, first published in 2007 and reissued this year for a Catholic readership, is both a clever play on the word “chaste” for “chase” and an eloquent plea for greater understanding of what it means to “find fulfilment while keeping your clothes on”. (UK readers can buy the book here.)

In her book Eden is very honest about her past life as a young single woman in the world of rock journalism and how the longing for a fulfilling relationship that would lead to marriage drove her from one doomed affair to the next. The transience of these relationships only made her feel more insecure, more desperate to meet the right man, more prepared for rejection and thus more likely to invite it. She came to see in the Sacrament of Confession that she had lost her innocence long before she lost her virginity.

Pondering the pattern of her adult encounters she realised that it was only “when I began to be honest with myself, recognise how I had allowed childhood wounds to shape my adult identity, did I find healing, strength and a way towards forgiveness”. It was stumbling on Chesterton’s The Man Who Was Thursday that pulled her up short and began this process, especially his paradoxical remark: “The most poetical thing in the world is not being sick.” Instantly Dawn understood how it related to the emotional chaos of her personal life.

Dawn’s spiritual journey into the Church helped her to gradually grasp that the virtue of chastity is the “true liberty”, enabling one to do things, aided by grace, “that we would be unable to accomplish with our own power”. Recognising her vulnerability in a society where casual sexual encounters are seen as normal and everything else is weird and prudish, she saw that temptations to impurity could only be fought with divine assistance.

I asked Dawn why she has now published a “Catholic” edition of her book. She explains: “When I wrote the original edition as a Jewish convert to Evangelical Protestantism who was preparing to make the final leap into the Catholic Church, I thought I had a Catholic mind. But once I entered the Church in 2006 and began to live within the rhythms of Mass and Confession, I realised how limited my understanding of chastity had been. I had the right idea about it as a Protestant but without a sacramental world view I couldn’t adequately explain why chastity is indeed thrilling.” This edition, she feels, has “given me the opportunity to show how Jesus, present for us in the Eucharist, shows us how to be present to one another in love”.

In her book, Dawn describes herself as a “consecrated celibate”. What does this mean? She tells me: “I use this term for myself because ‘celibate’ literally means unmarried, so to simply call myself celibate could make it sound as if I sleep alone only by default. ‘Consecrated celibacy’ makes it sound more like the positive choice it is. Since 2013, I have made an annual promise on my birthday to consecrate my celibacy to Jesus’s Sacred Heart through Mary’s Immaculate Heart.” She adds that she hopes to be officially consecrated one day by a diocesan bishop.

I am curious by the distinction Dawn makes in her book between “single” people and “singular” people, such as herself. Could the Church do more to help “singular” people? She is keen to emphasise that “the Church could do more to help all of us understand what the virtue of chastity is and how to live it. Chastity is not just for the unmarried; we are all called to it according to our state of life. Married chastity includes fidelity and reverence for your spouse as a fellow child of God. Single chastity is not just abstinence because chastity is a virtue and virtues are always positive. In my book I explain that chastity is the virtue that enables us to love more fully in every relationship, according to the type of relationship; so for me, it means learning to love fully as a daughter, as a sister and as a friend.” She adds: “Really it means learning the appropriate way to bring Jesus’s love into all my daily interactions.”

Dawn wants to share her insight in her book that to reduce human sexual activity to genital activity “impoverishes the truth of what it means to have been created as a man or woman. We become the man or woman we were created to be when we love.” She believes that living chastely has made her “more of a woman, because learning to better love my neighbour in Christ has made me more fully human”. She describes her apostolate as “living the mystery of spiritual motherhood in the heart of the Church. I am doing that through completing a doctorate in sacred theology, as well as writing and speaking on healing and conversion.”

And who is her book directed towards? Dawn says unhesitatingly that “it is for adults like me who want to learn how to live the Church’s teachings on sexuality with joy”. My final question concerns our society: how can we best convey to it the attraction of the Church’s teaching? Dawn responds: “Change begins with our own lives. If we rediscover the beauty of the human vocation to love, we will see its effects in the wider culture. We also need to support others who are making sacrifices to follow God’s call in their own lives, not just priests and religious but also single people, including those with same-sex attraction who are striving to live chastely, such as the members of Courage Apostolate.”

The next time our acquaintances challenge our faith in this most sensitive area, we should give them this persuasive book to read.

Tips for Choosing a Sex Doll – Height and Weight

Are you looking forward to getting into the world of sex dolls? That’s awesome as sex dolls are amazing sensual companions yet sans the baggage of a real human woman. The adult toy market is flooded with a wide range of sex dolls and you will find them in various heights and weights. But not all would be equally compatible for you. However, nothing to worry as the post below offers a brief on how to choose a sex doll for your pleasure.

Super-mini dolls

These are the smallest ones that range from 2ft 1.6”- 2 ft 7.5” in height and weight around 5 kgs. As these are ultra-mini in size, these dolls are extremely lightweight and also a breeze to hide. However, you can only enjoy vaginal sex with these dolls as their other body parts are not properly contoured. The ultra-mini dolls are great when you want a sex toy for masturbation. Besides, these are very economical which makes them great as entry-level sex dolls.

Mini dolls

Mini dolls are small sex dolls only but slightly bigger in height and weight than the one mentioned above. In regards to height, they will come at around 3 ft 3” and weigh something like 12 kg. Moreover, the mini dolls carry more defined body features than ultra-mini options. You can say they look like any real woman- just smaller in height. Thus, you can relish oral and anal sex with them, added to vaginal sex. Thanks to their small size, the mini dolls are a breeze to hide.

Medium dolls

Medium dolls are heavier compared to the previous one but come with a greater height and more defined body for better pleasure. In regards to height, these dolls mostly range from 4ft 1” – 4ft 7”. When it comes to weight, the medium dolls weigh something like 20 kg – 23 kg. So, yes, these are slightly on the heavier side. But these dolls allow users more flexibility regarding choice of body features which you won’t get with smaller dolls. For example, with a medium-sized doll, you can choose whether you want an insertable or inbuilt vagina. Just be careful about the weight while handling the sex doll.

Now, as medium dolls are heavy, these are difficult to hide. A lot of people lay down the doll under the bed while the toy is not used. You can do that too but make sure to lay her on a soft surface. If she is left on a hard surface for a prolonged period, her body shape may change. Besides, you should also be careful to place a clean white sheet under her body. It will reduce the risk of stains on the doll’s beautiful body.

Full-size big dolls

If you are looking for the most authentic experience, the big full-sized dolls are the thing for you. They weigh around 30kgs and range from 5 ft 2”- 5 ft 4” in height. The best part about them is they come with a full pronounced body for the optimum satisfaction of the user. Put simply, when you are craving for the actual feel of a real-life full-grown adult woman in a doll- these dolls are the best pick for you.

But full-size big dolls are extremely heavy. In fact, you may injure yourself while lifting them if you are not used to carrying weights. Thus, you should only opt for a big sex doll if you are absolutely sure about your physical strength.

Experts usually advise sticking to medium sized dolls as they are easier to handle than big sized dolls and also embody the authentic body features of a real woman.

C. S. Lewis on How to Persevere in Chastity

First, he says we must really want to grow in this virtue. He notes how a famous Christian—when looking back at his life—realized that his prayer for chastity was really saying something like: “Oh Lord, make me chaste. But please don’t do it just yet.” Of course, his reference here is to the great St. Augustine. Indeed, every saint has a past and every sinner a future. It’s good to know about saints who struggled, since that can give us confidence that we, too, can overcome.

Second, Lewis notes that many never set out on this great battle for chastity because they assume from the outset that it’s impossible to attain. This assumption deters us from really giving our all in this fight. We go in half-heartedly, accepting defeat before we even begin. But as Lewis points out—with a great many things—we often surprise ourselves with what we can do when our backs are against the wall: “People quite often do what seemed impossible before they did it. It is wonderful what you can do when you have to.” We recognize the merits of not giving up in so many other areas (e.g., sports or school), but for some reason we assume that the moral and spiritual life should not call forth this same kind of effort. What would happen if we went after chastity and holiness with the same intensity and vigor as we hit the weight room or the track?

Thirdly, Lewis counsels that we must ask for God’s help. Here Lewis is exceptionally insightful and strikes a chord in the spiritual tradition: we often wish that God would heal our vices and instantly empower us with heroic virtue; but perhaps if he did, we would fall into the even greater sin of pride. “Very often,” Lewis writes, “what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again.” This process teaches us to depend upon God in a radical way—and this is the great secret to sanctity; indeed, this is the meaning of the first beatitude “Blessed are the poor in spirit.” The poor in spirit are humble and recognize their need for grace; in this way, they become soft clay, allowing God to work more fully in their lives.

For this reason, Lewis writes: “We learn, on the one hand, that we cannot trust ourselves even in our best moments, and, on the other, that we need not despair even in our worst, for our failures are forgiven.”

The etymology of the Hebrew word Satan is instructive here: “Satan” means “to accuse.” In temptation, the Devil is our buddy, coaxing us to play along. But when we fall, he becomes the accuser, seeking to douse us in shame and keep us from the throne of God’s mercy. The Devil’s greatest temptation is for us to doubt God’s love for us; indeed, his greatest attack is to get us to believe we are too far gone—that we are beyond the pale of his forgiveness. But God is Love; and perhaps the paradox of the Christian life is that he calls us to greatness—and yet he above all else knows that our path to greatness comes only by first turning to him in our weakness. Indeed, a father loves his kids just the way they are—but too much to leave them that way. The same is true of God: He loves us as we are—but so much so that he wants to see us not only forgiven but healed and transformed. And he is ready and willing in our time of need—not to condemn—but to help. All we need to do is ask.

Chastity Belts: The Middle Ages-Esqe Sex Toy You Never Knew You Needed

Most people’s idea of a chastity belt probably comes from the Middle Ages, when artists would commonly show women wearing metal underwear fastened with a lock to which only their husbands or fathers held the key. Back then, it was a totally messed up way to control women’s sexuality, though it turns out that Middle Ages’ chastity belts didn’t really exist. Instead, according to The Smithsonian, these devices only existed in art as a way of humorously depicting men’s fear of being cuckolded or of their daughters’ virtue being stolen.

The real chastity belts that you see in museums were created later, “as curiosities for the prurient, or as jokes for the tasteless,” according to The Smithsonian. If you’re disappointed by this news — don’t be. Chastity belts are very real today and are frequently used in BDSM play as a way to control your partner’s orgasm, according to kink website Kinkly. The basic idea is still the same: A chastity belt is made of metal or plastic and covers someone’s genitals. There are versions made to cover vulvas as well as versions to lock up penises. No matter what your or your partner’s anatomy is, every belt comes with a lock so that the person wearing the belt can’t have their genitals touched — even by themselves — unless the person who has the key opens it. Typically, a belt made for penises locks in a flaccid position so that whoever is wearing it can’t get an erection.The locked-up nature makes chastity belts perfect for orgasm denial, a kink that’s often used in BDSM spaces and involves making someone highly sexually aroused for a long period of time without the possibility of release. Maybe surprisingly, it’s people with penises who enjoy having their genitals locked up the most, according to kinky sex blogger Cara Sutra. Most chastity belts sold now are cock cages and penis erection prevention devices, she writes.
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Can Consent Be Sexy?

But what’s the benefit of locking someone’s genitals in a cage and holding the key? As a BDSM dominatrix, Sutra finds chastity play extremely erotic. “Many men feel like the very core of their masculinity comes from their genitalia, having a penis and balls and being able to use them to perform in a sexual manner,” she wrote. “Having this ability restricted or taken away makes them question their masculinity. This is a really potent blend of taboo, fear, and worry and that’s when the playful element of this part of BDSM really kicks in.”

Although women and non-binary folk likely won’t have the same kinds of attachment to their genitals as cisgender men, wearing chastity belts can still be an erotic way to play for them. Because even if the dominate partner isn’t looking to humiliate their submissive by having them question gender roles, locking up someone’s genitals gives the dom the key to their pleasure — literally. And that means that the submissive has to ask the dominate partner for any sort of release. Giving permission is often a part of BDSM play, but chastity belts make asking for permission absolutely necessary.

Depending on how long the submissive partner wears the belt, it can also make sure that their every sexual thought is focused on the person who holds the key. “Although discomfort is minor, the emotional impact is extreme,” wrote another dominatrix, Ava Zhang. “He may have a change of heart and convince himself that his consensual lock-down was a mistake, crawling back to his Mistress and BEG (I love it when they beg) to be freed.”